So I have two fears at the moment:
1) I am becoming an fully-fledged adult.
2) Under my liberty-print, Byatt-reading, David Dimbleby-watching exterior, I may actually be a chav.
The first is to do with a sudden liking for Jamie Cullum. For an ex-jazzophobe, discovering that I suddenly can’t get enough of the boo-boppety (ok, not quite the boo-boppety, more the laid back omelettes-on-a-Sunday-morning kinda groove) is disconcerting to say the least. Jazz and wine used to represent the habits of people more grown-up (read: more boring) than myself; now they seem pretty acceptable companions. Well blow me: looks like I’m a grown-up!
The second has been a sneaking suspicion for some time. The way huge gold hoop earrings always seem to be the perfect finishing touch to my outfit; the way I love to drive vans; the fact that my phone is pink and that the other weekend I woke up to find a half-drunk WKD blue in my fridge – these are all serious symptoms of a barely repressed chav persona. The well-bred don’t suddenly lapse into an Aussie accent; they don’t make up ‘alternative’ names for works of art in the Tate Modern; they don’t win sailing trips by dancing on bars – they just sail.
I am never cool and languid, nor are my limbs long and graceful. I have no cheekbones to speak of, my hair will not be bouffant no matter what I do (I cut it myself on a whim in a pub in Victoria, so the most it does in the way of wispiness or volume is to stick out over my ears in racoon-like tufts) and I am never going to be tall. Ever. But with one friend telling me that a male mate of hers isn’t posh enough for me, whilst another tells me ‘you’ve gotta treat those posh boys mean’ – what am I to do?!
It’s not all bad news, however. My Chinese step-grandmother was a notorious Kampong flirt, who used to run up gambling debts then hide under the bed when the collectors came to call and throw scissors at her daughters across the room. She’s now nearly 100 and still going out to lunch. So maybe there’s something to be said for a bit of roughage in the diet…
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