No one gives a pep talk like my mother. And boy, did I need one.
From time to time things happen which strike the carefully balanced walls of your life with the force of an earthquake, perhaps not exactly crumbling things but shifting their foundations – so nothing is quite what it was before, and nothing stands steady. This week, one such thing happened. It didn’t even happen to me exactly; I was on the periphery – but I felt the tremors and saw the cracks.
Perhaps these past few months haven’t been the best of my life. But you can’t hold troubles responsible for making you a troublemaker and in truth, I’ve done some things of which I am less than proud. So now is a new season, and it’s time to change. Sudden shocks can throw new lights across your life, and my height is not the only thing which could be improved… It is the only thing which beyond a doubt won’t.
Sunday 16 May 2010
Tuesday 11 May 2010
You know that feeling of frustration when you've filled out an online form and, hitting the wrong button, wipe the lot? And you have to go back over it and painstakingly re-type your postcode, and phone number, and Visa number... And then it happens again.
Sometimes that's how my life feels.
At the moment, I am mostly thinking about the cold. It is May - loveliest, greenest, most radiant and promising of months; my favourite. But it is freezing, and in my spring wardrobe I feel like a flower struck by late frost. I have decided that I actually prefer heartache to cold. I prefer crippled feet, and an empty bank account, and Saturday nights in alone - in fact all of the bad things that happen to me are better than being cold. When I walk home in the early hours and the loneliest streets, I am less afraid of being mugged than I am of shivering myself to death. Snake blood, my mother says.
But the evenings are longer and I am in love with the promise of summer; my imagination is all wrapped up in sunshine and warm lawns and cool drinks. I have also started my very first garden. Gertrude Jekyll herself would be impressed; this is going to be the Kew Gardens of 8 foot patio spaces... To open my curtains in the morning and see a dozen pansies winking up at me is nothing short of miraculous for a girl who once killed an airplant. And yes, they do wink - my flowers are saucy little minxes...
Sometimes that's how my life feels.
At the moment, I am mostly thinking about the cold. It is May - loveliest, greenest, most radiant and promising of months; my favourite. But it is freezing, and in my spring wardrobe I feel like a flower struck by late frost. I have decided that I actually prefer heartache to cold. I prefer crippled feet, and an empty bank account, and Saturday nights in alone - in fact all of the bad things that happen to me are better than being cold. When I walk home in the early hours and the loneliest streets, I am less afraid of being mugged than I am of shivering myself to death. Snake blood, my mother says.
But the evenings are longer and I am in love with the promise of summer; my imagination is all wrapped up in sunshine and warm lawns and cool drinks. I have also started my very first garden. Gertrude Jekyll herself would be impressed; this is going to be the Kew Gardens of 8 foot patio spaces... To open my curtains in the morning and see a dozen pansies winking up at me is nothing short of miraculous for a girl who once killed an airplant. And yes, they do wink - my flowers are saucy little minxes...
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